Need Help? Too Bad. White People Don't Give A Shit

At a recent business function in Las Vegas, I was introduced to a vendor who I had spoken with over the phone but had never met in person. Let's just say that his name was "Bill O'Reilly" or something (not his real name). Early 60's, white hair, Irish to the core with a Boston accent. What does he bring up as a group topic of conversation? The stimulus package. He moans about all of those "entitlement programs" that are in it.

Wow. What is it with white people and their aggravation over those in need getting government assistance? As a legal term, entitlement carries no value judgment: it simply denotes a right granted, which we refer to as a program like Social Security, Medicare, welfare etc. But it was most likely some white sonofabitch who decided to create negative connotations by defining entitlement as "government handouts to black, brown and yellow people using white taxpayer dollars." Guess what, shitheads? The majority of them pay taxes themselves. And members of your ivory-skinned family probably get government assistance as well. But it's a whole new ballgame if you white folk have to subsidize those needy bottom-feeders, huh? I know that you have no problem with the day laborers you pick up on the corner in your van to landscape your backyard. Or that undocumented mamacita who cleans your house once a week. You're the same fuckheads who complain about all those non-contributor illegals who use our system, yet here you are paying them under the table because you must have the gazebo with a rose garden and a Weber grill.

Texas, the home state of that White Royal Family of Bushes, is notorious for short-changing those in need within their borders. The Lone Star State's government believes that you're entitled to breathe its air for free, and that's about it. Want assistance to help feed your family because you lost your job or your house? Governor Rick Perry will not only laugh his ass off at you, he'll most likely send you an autographed "fuck off" letter telling you that you're shit outta luck, pilgrim. What's even more fucked up about Texas is that, just like Palin's twisted state of Alaska, they'll threaten to secede from the U.S. when they realize that Republicans no longer control Washington. They'd rather become a foreign country than answer to a black man in the White House. These fucking ignorant hypocrites call themselves "patriots" while denouncing their own country just for cheap political points and ginned-up anger. Good going, you Texan assholes! You voted that used car salesman into power, and your decision proved to be almost as bad as those intellectually challenged elitist whites that made Arnold Fucking Schwarzenegger the governor of California!

FDR felt that the government had a responsibility to provide for the common good of its people. Unfortunately, the late great Mr. Roosevelt didn't realize at the time that greed, power, personal gain and approval from gun-toting rednecks made that sentiment very inconvenient. In some states, the primary objective of those white bureaucrats is to make life as miserable as possible for the handicapped, elderly, unemployed and underprivileged.

So if you're darker in skin tone, you should expect nothing whatsoever from a white-controlled state government. Your Congressman won't care, he or she is too busy greasing the palms of lobbyists and cranking up pork projects for his or her district. The mayor is preoccupied with bribes and kickbacks, so he or she can't attend to your issues right now. And don't even think about calling your Senator(s), because they'll refuse to get within fifty yards of a voter. One of their aides will probably read you some boilerplate script about how much they care about their state's needs and will fight for you in Congress for assistance. Then you'll go vote for them and they'll return the favor by putting your gullible and penniless ass out on the the street.

So the "Bill O'Reilly's" of the world just can't cope with entitlement, unless it's his right to happy hour at the tennis club or a two-for-one suit sale. Everyone else can just kiss his white ass. If you think I'm exaggerating, just call or write a white elected official and see what kind of response you get. I guarantee that you'll be treated worse than the speck of dogshit that's stuck on the sole of their shoe.

The White America Soundtrack

If you're white, live in a rural or suburban setting, have a gun rack on the back of the pickup, vote Republican or hang out with dudes in biker vests or girls in tube tops, then you have one big downside to your otherwise charmed life. You have to listen to the shittiest music on Earth.

If you're into Motown, jazz, hip-hop, electronica, classical or alt-rock, you're probably confined to your iPod's earbuds, since you wouldn't want to be caught dead in public playing anything but country or that neo-classic rock shit that sounds like warmed-over Bon Jovi. Here are a few examples of how white people set themselves apart musically, and in the most deplorable and uncreative manner imaginable.



The main lyrical hook from this 80's travesty is "...and I'm proud to be an American." However, the true meaning behind it is "...and I'm proud to be white." Why? Because the song assumes that we live in a gentrified nation where immigrants stay the fuck out and we all wave Confederate flags and sport bald eagle T-shirts. Got brown skin? Then it means that you're either an islamofascist Al Qaeda towelhead or a wetback from Juarez. That's the monochromatic America that these white shitheads live in, and that's why they truly despise having a black President, an Italian female Speaker of the House and a (wise) Latina Supreme Court Justice. This is their national anthem of white pride, which was shamelessly associated with the same post-9/11 movement that drove us into an unjust war in Iraq. Thanks, Mr. Greenwood.



Fuck this redneck shit. Again, total ignorance toward Alabama's history good and bad, and the disgrace that was the Bloody Sunday riots in Selma back in the 60's. But remember, Alabama has about a 75-25 split in favor of whites vs. blacks, so the dominant race always wins! We all just want the Cotton State to be just like cotton itself: pure, clean and 100% white. We don't mind if them niggers are the ones pickin' the cotton for us so we can have us some nice shirts. That's all they good fo' ya hear?



And speaking of Alabammy, check out this white trash motherfucker. No wonder the McCain-Palin ticket was defeated last year by such a huge margin! Obama had Springsteen and Stevie Wonder, while the Rethugs got their boogie on to this loser? This song is not only one of the biggest shit bricks to ever get public airplay, but it's an embarrassing reflection on the somewhat notable Williams family legacy. Hank probably wrote this while he was sitting on the can reading American Rifleman. What did he end up with? A genuine two-flusher!

Angry White Males Unleashed!

Hey ladies, how do you like this personal ad?

SWM, 48, near Pittsburgh, 6'1", 195, fit and love to work out. Systems analyst and avid gun collector. Seeking nice, down to earth female to enjoy movies, dining and hunting trips to Allegheny County in my old Ford Bronco. I don't date too often, so I'm looking for someone to get me back in the game. Please reply soon, otherwise I'll have to show up at your next aerobics class with my 9mm and blow your fucking brains out.

Ooooh, so damn masculine and sexy that I'm quivering! Hook me up!

This would likely be the Craigslist ad from the late George Sodini, who busted into an aerobics class at an L.A. Fitness last week and opened fire with several handguns after turning off the lights. All because women rejected him for years and he couldn't deal with the loneliness. Oh boo hoo. You see, this is why the angry white male is so dangerous to civil society. The solution to every problem involves a firearm with live ammunition. It's how they settle disputes, like a fucking vigilante on lithium. They take out their emotions via cold-blooded murder/suicides. Because that's the only way that the pain will go away. And that's how I'll get back at those fucking bitches for not calling me back and deleting my e-mails.

In his lurid online diary, Sodini wrote that "girls and women don't give me a second look anywhere," and with good reason. Smart women know that the obnoxious dick-waggers chasing women at bars are nowhere near as dangerous as the unsuccessful loners who drift through life with a slow-brewing chasm of anger burning inside. Mad at the world for not allowing them the control they need. Mad at womanhood for repeatedly turning them down. Mad at the jobs they lost due to outsourcing or downsizing, to those fucking brown people who won't stay in their own goddamn country. Mad at non-white males for taking away all the hot women who prefer darker skin.

Want this white-hot piece of ass? Sorry, she only dates mediocre NFL players or rappers, and you ain't either one of those.

The violent murder spree is the final option for angry white males who see the reins of power slip away and don't know what to do about it, except yell really loud in public, rant in ALL CAPS on websites and stock up on extra hollow-points at Wal-Mart. In their twisted world, we're no longer supposed to resolve our differences peacefully. We're not supposed to treat people as equals and respect one another. We allegedly have the best democracy in the world, but with all the angry while males on the loose, we're one burning tire away from Somalia. They Angry White Male brigade wants the U.S. to become a banana republic so that they can let loose on the streets with their guns blazing, just to blow off all that pent-up testosterone and level the playing field.

The human race will reach total extinction at the hands of this very deadly sub-human species. Bet on it.

White People Have Bad Social Etiquette

I was at a drugstore the other day. At the checkout line, I waited for the cashier to ring me up for the one bottle of Advil that I was buying. When you're surrounded by domineering white people, pain relievers are a necessary item. A 50-ish white guy gets behind me in line and plops down his box of Rogaine right on top of the Advil I was buying. Before I could notice, the cashier scanned the Advil and the Rogaine. I told her that the bald cream wasn't mine, causing me to have to wait for her to call her manager to cancel it. Thanks to this inconsiderate shithead, it took five minutes to buy one bottle of Advil.

But that's white folk for you. They expect to be first in line, top priority at the expense of others, and presume they're VIP's no matter where they go or what they do. I just love the way they block narrow aisles at the supermarket when they run into their friends and chat about the weekend trip to wine country. Or about Chelsea's big win at the beauty pageant and how they all should celebrate at IHOP after church. Give me a fucking break.

Starbucks is the place where white people really do show how the world has to revolve around them. The poor baristas behind the counter are working hard to earn customer satisfaction and maybe a nice tip for going the extra mile. But do white people care? No way. They just expect to give a hand signal in order to signify a double nonfat almond mocha latte frappucino with extra milk and a dash of cinnamon. Then when the unlucky schlub taking the order gets one iota of that wrong, he'll get an exasperated sigh and a hand on the hip from the Blackberry-tapping bitch at the register. At least a quarter to show a little courtesy? Forget it, I'm late for yoga class.

Speaking of tipping, you can forget about that from your average white middle-class tourist. When I was at an "all inclusive" resort in Mexico last year, no one bothered to notice that the resort staff get paid about $5 a day to serve drinks, fold towels and clean up after a bunch of fat, lazy self-indulgent white asses. Will they tip? Hell no. They think that Mexicans are just like blacks during slavery: indentured servants who only exist on this planet to serve white people. Wait on their every whim, mow their lawns, wash their cars, clean their houses, park their cars at the valet. Do they ever stop to think, while they're sipping their martinis by the pool, that these have families just like them? And need to survive like everyone else? Never, because we're white, the dominant race on this planet, and we've earned the right to tell those inferior brown people what to do!

Remember the shock and disbelief that white people went through when Tiger Woods became the top golf champion on the planet? Country clubs nationwide had to reverse their lifelong whites-only policy and actually allow a black guy to get a membership. And now we have a black President who likes to play golf as well. We have to let him in, too? Fuck. So much for having all those black and brown folk in the white tuxedos serving us drinks and lugging our clubs from hole to hole. Now they get to play the course along with us. Gotta call my Congressman about this so that they can pass a law or something.

So yeah, white people portray themselves as the arbiters of good taste, class, social etiquette and proper manners. But their actions show that the direct opposite is the truth. I just wish they'd get the fuck out of my way.

How Frustrated White People Settle Their Differences

With violence. What else would you expect? White people have been able to establish power and a majority position in American society by using violence. Take this recent e-mail for example, sent to the SEIU over the recent health care town halls:

You socialist fucks have the nerve to say stop the violence at the town hall meetings when they weren't violent until you pussies showed up because your nigger leader obama said to?????? When we have ours in Racine, Wi, I want you there. I want one of your little bitches to put his hands on this Marine. I want one of you to look or talk to me wrong. I'll be the last thing your ignorant faux body guards will remember for a very long time. You can fucking guarantee that.

Yes, that's right. When white people see that they're losing their way and want to undo change, they resort to gun threats. All of these graduates of the Tim McVeigh Institute of Conflict Resolution seem to have several common threads: white, conservative, fundamentalist Christian, ex-military, gun owner. But they never operate alone, they form armies and militias so that they can go to war against their own people.



What is it with white people and their guns? They collect them, name them, write country songs about them, go to shows solely to showcase and buy them. When have they received a direct threat of confiscation (unless they've actually murdered someone)? When has a politician stated outright, "I will pass laws to take away your M-16's and AK-47's"? It's all a delusion in their heads. The truth, which only the e-mailer above will admit, is that white people own guns primarily for one reason: to threaten and kill those who oppose them. Seven million people have applied for background checks toward gun purchases since the November 2008 election. And the President gets 40 deaths threats a day.


White gun owners and Islamic terrorists have one thing in common: they will never stop until the socialists, communists, blacks, immigrants, Jews and all of those other non-Americans are bleeding to death. They live their lives with the delusion that America will be attacked from outside forces. WRONG! America will be attacked from within and it will most definitely be at the hands of one of our own.

There's my take on white people and their love for guns. If you don't like it, then fuck off. Shoot me. It's the only way you'll get me to shut up.

History Has All The Proof You Need...

Just about every injustice and social problem known to us as Americans can be tied to one group: white Americans. Granted, that's making a stroke with a very broad brush, but that's the crux of my argument, which I plan to make repeatedly as I continue to witness it every day.

Let's go back in time to see where this began. The white settlers of America had a firm belief in manifest destiny, relishing in the rape and pillage of this land's original inhabitants. Subsequent generations would cheer this nation into a civil war to support slavery, and would later seek to institutionalize racism via lynching, segregation, bashing of non-European immigrants and the occasional torching of black neighborhoods.

As white Americans continued to play the protectionist card for decades, they sought any and every opportunity to form separatist groups in the guise of common social interest. In other words, by calling themselves the "John Birch Society" instead of the "White Conservatives of America." Or how about the NRA instead of the "United Immigrant Assassins Club"?

Now that we are a nation under the leadership of a black President, the current malaise of white Americans who grew from these shameful phases in American history have become more extreme, concentrated and violent. They're ramping up the fear and rhetoric for a race war, nuclear holocaust, cultural jihad, second coming or anything that will allow their movement to be even marginally vilified. They'll engage in projection by comparing Obama to the same Nazis that are probably a few generations back in their own bloodlines. Don't like our scream-o-rama's at town halls? Good, we'll shoot you.

Yes, white Americans are the problem with our country, and I plan to demonstrate that in every possible way. I know you won't like it, but most of you hate truth and change anyway, so my expectations are beyond low.