White People Have Bad Social Etiquette

I was at a drugstore the other day. At the checkout line, I waited for the cashier to ring me up for the one bottle of Advil that I was buying. When you're surrounded by domineering white people, pain relievers are a necessary item. A 50-ish white guy gets behind me in line and plops down his box of Rogaine right on top of the Advil I was buying. Before I could notice, the cashier scanned the Advil and the Rogaine. I told her that the bald cream wasn't mine, causing me to have to wait for her to call her manager to cancel it. Thanks to this inconsiderate shithead, it took five minutes to buy one bottle of Advil.

But that's white folk for you. They expect to be first in line, top priority at the expense of others, and presume they're VIP's no matter where they go or what they do. I just love the way they block narrow aisles at the supermarket when they run into their friends and chat about the weekend trip to wine country. Or about Chelsea's big win at the beauty pageant and how they all should celebrate at IHOP after church. Give me a fucking break.

Starbucks is the place where white people really do show how the world has to revolve around them. The poor baristas behind the counter are working hard to earn customer satisfaction and maybe a nice tip for going the extra mile. But do white people care? No way. They just expect to give a hand signal in order to signify a double nonfat almond mocha latte frappucino with extra milk and a dash of cinnamon. Then when the unlucky schlub taking the order gets one iota of that wrong, he'll get an exasperated sigh and a hand on the hip from the Blackberry-tapping bitch at the register. At least a quarter to show a little courtesy? Forget it, I'm late for yoga class.

Speaking of tipping, you can forget about that from your average white middle-class tourist. When I was at an "all inclusive" resort in Mexico last year, no one bothered to notice that the resort staff get paid about $5 a day to serve drinks, fold towels and clean up after a bunch of fat, lazy self-indulgent white asses. Will they tip? Hell no. They think that Mexicans are just like blacks during slavery: indentured servants who only exist on this planet to serve white people. Wait on their every whim, mow their lawns, wash their cars, clean their houses, park their cars at the valet. Do they ever stop to think, while they're sipping their martinis by the pool, that these have families just like them? And need to survive like everyone else? Never, because we're white, the dominant race on this planet, and we've earned the right to tell those inferior brown people what to do!

Remember the shock and disbelief that white people went through when Tiger Woods became the top golf champion on the planet? Country clubs nationwide had to reverse their lifelong whites-only policy and actually allow a black guy to get a membership. And now we have a black President who likes to play golf as well. We have to let him in, too? Fuck. So much for having all those black and brown folk in the white tuxedos serving us drinks and lugging our clubs from hole to hole. Now they get to play the course along with us. Gotta call my Congressman about this so that they can pass a law or something.

So yeah, white people portray themselves as the arbiters of good taste, class, social etiquette and proper manners. But their actions show that the direct opposite is the truth. I just wish they'd get the fuck out of my way.