The White America Soundtrack

If you're white, live in a rural or suburban setting, have a gun rack on the back of the pickup, vote Republican or hang out with dudes in biker vests or girls in tube tops, then you have one big downside to your otherwise charmed life. You have to listen to the shittiest music on Earth.

If you're into Motown, jazz, hip-hop, electronica, classical or alt-rock, you're probably confined to your iPod's earbuds, since you wouldn't want to be caught dead in public playing anything but country or that neo-classic rock shit that sounds like warmed-over Bon Jovi. Here are a few examples of how white people set themselves apart musically, and in the most deplorable and uncreative manner imaginable.



The main lyrical hook from this 80's travesty is "...and I'm proud to be an American." However, the true meaning behind it is "...and I'm proud to be white." Why? Because the song assumes that we live in a gentrified nation where immigrants stay the fuck out and we all wave Confederate flags and sport bald eagle T-shirts. Got brown skin? Then it means that you're either an islamofascist Al Qaeda towelhead or a wetback from Juarez. That's the monochromatic America that these white shitheads live in, and that's why they truly despise having a black President, an Italian female Speaker of the House and a (wise) Latina Supreme Court Justice. This is their national anthem of white pride, which was shamelessly associated with the same post-9/11 movement that drove us into an unjust war in Iraq. Thanks, Mr. Greenwood.



Fuck this redneck shit. Again, total ignorance toward Alabama's history good and bad, and the disgrace that was the Bloody Sunday riots in Selma back in the 60's. But remember, Alabama has about a 75-25 split in favor of whites vs. blacks, so the dominant race always wins! We all just want the Cotton State to be just like cotton itself: pure, clean and 100% white. We don't mind if them niggers are the ones pickin' the cotton for us so we can have us some nice shirts. That's all they good fo' ya hear?



And speaking of Alabammy, check out this white trash motherfucker. No wonder the McCain-Palin ticket was defeated last year by such a huge margin! Obama had Springsteen and Stevie Wonder, while the Rethugs got their boogie on to this loser? This song is not only one of the biggest shit bricks to ever get public airplay, but it's an embarrassing reflection on the somewhat notable Williams family legacy. Hank probably wrote this while he was sitting on the can reading American Rifleman. What did he end up with? A genuine two-flusher!